Nulliparity - Friday, October 21, 2005(old post)
I've alway's maintained that i'll never have children. Most people who hear me say this insist that it's just a phase and that i'll change my mind. Mmmm... we'll see. I'll put up an update every 10 years and then we'll find out.
Several months ago a friend of mine found the below article in the newspaper and gave it to me to read because she thought it sort of described me. It's quite funny too, at least, from my perspective it is.
Then today i was perusing the blogs that i read and i noticed a post by
A.J.Chesswas entitled 'The Intelligent Woman' - this post prompted a lot of comments and was most entertaining. I love reading a good blog debate. Anyway, it got me thinking about how i'm a nulliparae, and i checked Google to see if there was an online version of the article, and there was! It's a bit long, but worth a read, here it is...
I'm not ill or nasty, I just don't want to be a mum(Filed: 31/05/2005)Kate Battersby explains why she feels absolutely no desire to have children - and why there's nothing wrong with thatIt's because I'm ill, you know. And selfish. My illness makes me selfish. Or my selfishness makes me ill, I'm not quite sure. But I'm definitely ill and selfish, anyway. I'm also strange, and probably nasty. My illness is not catching, but increasing numbers of women have it. It's called nulliparity. Chambers Concise Dictionary defines a nullipara as a woman who has never given birth to a child, especially a woman who is not a virgin.Twenty per cent of British women fall into this group; moreover, 20 per cent of British women in their thirties have specifically opted to be childless. The very word "childless" suggests loss or absence, and I can't imagine how painful it must be to yearn for children while being unable to have them. But I don't yearn for children, or find them fascinating and adorable. I never wanted them, and am grateful to be able to exercise my choice.The many who are evangelical about breeding are dismayed, bewildered or offended by my decision. Inevitably, I'm required to explain. "Why not? Do you hate children?" "Don't you have any maternal instinct?" "Is it a physical problem?" "Isn't that terribly selfish?" After that comes: "You'll regret it", or "You'll change your mind." The diagnosis never changes. This is just a phase and I'll get over it, either in time to rectify matters; or not, in which case I will get the lacerating unhappiness I deserve.The idea that I've made a positive choice is apparently very strange indeed. But like grave-digging or shelf-stacking, motherhood is not a job I ever wanted. So I was glad to contribute to a new book by Nicki Defago, a former senior producer of Newsnight and deputy editor on Radio 2's Jeremy Vine show. Nicki, 39, is not a lobbyist or campaigner for the child-free. But as a married woman who has chosen not to have children, she wrote Childfree And Loving It! when she realised that not a single relevant book existed on the subject."Amazon offers more than 1,000 titles on the single subject of what children eat," she explained. "But if you are resolutely child-free, or even undecided about starting a family, you'll go hungry."Naturally, the Americans have been tuned in to this trend for years. Over there, the 42 per cent of women without children can read lorryloads of books on the subject, all featuring contentedly upbeat titles separating motherhood from female identity: Sweet Grapes; Pride And Joy; Cheerfully Childless; No Kidding; and my own favourite, Families Of Two. I have a family quite separate from the one I was born into. I mean the family comprising myself and my partner, the kind of family ignored by politicians. "The thing that really makes me rabid is Gordon Brown's £250 gift to every new baby," foams a friend. "I strongly believe that there's a communal interest in the tax system. I have no problem with universal health and education systems, or with targeting support where there is need. I do have a problem with giving money to kids' savings."There aren't any breaks for people without children. At work, flexible contracts are offered to those with children, or to carers. These are entirely legitimate. But their work doesn't go away. Cover has to be found for it, and those who give it are not recognised. Meanwhile, when I broke my leg in six places, my partner was refused carers' leave and made to feel very uncomfortable."We nulliparae sound cross, don't we? Well, we are cross. It's just one more negative characteristic to add to the list. Personally, I bristle when being informed I will soon see the light and change my mind. It seems quite reasonable to reply: "Really? Is that what happened to you after you had children?" Then the evangelicals look offended, because my reply is indeed intended to offend, in the hope that they will spot how offensive their question is to me. But they never do. Hence I am not only ill and strange, but also nasty.And then of course, I have a dog. Guess what? The mummy mafia smile knowingly, and diagnose a child-substitute. Sigh. Pay attention at the back. How can a dog be a "substitute" for something I don't want? I love my dog in his own right. I want him specifically."Ah, but a dog won't change your life. Children will," lecture the mummy mafia. Sawing off my legs would change my life, too. I just don't feel any urge to try it.http://www.telegraph.co.uk/health/main.jhtmlxml=/health/2005/05/31/hmum26.xml&sSheet=/health/2005/05/31/ixhright.html
posted by Michelle @ 2:24 PM 6 Comments:
At 5:19 PM, October 21, 2005, Lrav said...
I must try to remember this term. Interesting.I guess the main thing I think about when a women tells me that she has chosen not to have children is her motivation. I shall try to be more accepting in future but I am fully biased because I love children.The more I sit and ponder the more I question my view point, un-thought out as it is. As an immediate answer, I would have said that, for example, if a woman did not want to have children because it would affect her figure, It would not be a good reason. But thinking about it, I support freedom of choice, and if that is a big motivating factor I would be a hypocrite to argue against it.That all said and done Michelle I remember the time that you asked Lis to have your children for you, Hmmm?
At 2:04 PM, October 22, 2005, Michelle said...
That was a joke! I also wanted you guys to raise them for me remember? That was motivated by thinking about not leaving some of my DNA behind to continue living when i die. That's the down side of not having children. But, if i really get worried, i can always donate egg's to a fertility clinic and can die happy with the knowledge that somewhere out there some stranger has some of my DNA. Hahaha :-)
At 3:26 PM, October 24, 2005, Lis said...
Yeah I don't see what the big deal is about women not having children. If she doesn't want them, then it is probably best she doesn't have them, otherwise there will be children brought up by resenting mothers - not really the best type of parent. I know that I eventually want to have children, but that doesn't make me look down my nose at other women who don't. And I would like to think that if I was unable to have children then I wouldn't have to deal with the same treatment. Lrav, stop spreading rumours that Michelle wants to have babies with me, it's not a good look :).
At 9:30 PM, November 01, 2005, A. J. Chesswas said...
It just seems so sad. Are you sure you don't have some unresolved issues or something (I know I sound patronising). But, you know, the warmth of a mother's love is a miracle and it would be shame for a woman like yourself to not be able to realise it.
At 8:26 AM, November 02, 2005, Michelle said...
Now that's exactly what the article was talking about. 'You don't want children? - there must be something wrong with you!'.I don't have any issues, my mother is wonderful, she has a great life and her husband and children love and respect her. She's a really good role model in lot's of different ways.I'm just not interested in having children. Maybe that will change, maybe it won't. But the point is, it's not sad or wrong, it's a choice. Why is it sad? It's not like people who don't have children deprive themselves of love. It doesn't mean that they have to live a sad and lonely existence.No doubt my brother will have kids, and so will a lot of my friends. Whenever i feel the need I can be 'aunty costi' take the kids out to the zoo for a day, load them up on sugar and then send them home. I'll be the one that travels the world, has a career working somewhere cool like the UN, and spoils other people's kids rotten everytime i visit. Then when the small ones start to cry or the teenage ones start to sulk and shout... i can go home!Sounds like a great plan to me. I don't need anyone elses approval, but it's really interesting to see people's opinion on the matter.Maybe i'm helping to save the world from over population... if only more people would be so selfless... haha j/k.
At 10:32 AM, November 02, 2005, A. J. Chesswas said... That's cool, it's good to hear the thoughts of a nullipar, a species that truly baffles me!
Super hero's - Thursday, October 06, 2005 (old post)
I really like super hero's, i always wanted to be one... as a kid i mean.
Charlotte and i wondered what our friends names would be if we were all super hero's. We came up with some ideas but feel free to come up with your own ones :-)
Me - i wanted to be Wonder Woman but it's already taken, so Vinnie suggested 'Super Bitch'... i'm not so sure though, it's not that cool.
Char - 'Duck Girl' and she can say things like "Quack" or "To the duck pond!"
Luke - 'Meat Man' and he can say things like "I eat 1200 chickens, 300 cows and 2 goats a year" or "yeild to the power of meat!" and "I feel like a steak".
Shay - 'IT-tech Man' with sayings like "is that OS RedHat, Windows or OS X?" or "there's an error in the registry!"
Lisa - 'Shakespeare Girl' and she can say stuff like “I hold the world but as the world, Gratiano, A stage where every man must play a part, And mine a sad one.” or "Where for art thou Romeo" and "Dang that Marlowe".
Eddie - 'Island Boy' with sayings like "relax, take a load off" and "anyone for pina colada's?"
Kate - 'Sloth Girl' and she'll definitely say "I'm not a Sloth!" and "I can't be bothered" or "I think i'll just stay in tonight".
Tommo - 'Banker Boy' who will have sayings such as "Finance is not a joke" and "Vote National"
Sav - 'Skater Boy' who says things like "ouch" when he falls off his board and skins his knees and "I've just got to find a bush to leave my board in" and not much else cause he's real quiet.
Ewen - 'Smartass Man' who generally gives really good come backs.
Jo - 'Enviro Girl' and she would say things like 'on yer bike' and 'be a tidy kiwi'.
Haha. Give me more ideas!
posted by Michelle @ 12:38 PM
17 Comments:
At 4:52 PM, October 06, 2005, Lrav said...
What the hell sort of name is 'Meat Man'???? What did I do to deserve this?!I think you should give us all kick ass accessories. I bags the meat tenderiser. And knives. And a leather outfit. Tight leather.Another good one for Kate is 'Indicisive Girl', who says things like 'you look great in all those tops' and 'what d'you rekon?'
At 8:31 PM, October 06, 2005, Lis said...
Hmmm, does that mean my weapon of choice is the pen? Cause no matter what they say, if it comes to a pen versus a sword, the sword is going to slice you into little bloody pieces of flesh, whilst a pen will leave a dent at most. Although, one of those big quill pens would be quite cool...
At 8:12 AM, October 07, 2005, Michelle said...
Yeah! you guys have got the idea. Luke wants to wear really tight leather. Ok.Lisa, you could also use sharp edged paper to fling at people and give them paper cuts. And you could wear a cool shakespearean outfit, poofy pants, tights, waistcoat thingamee, hat with a huge feather in it. It'll be great.
At 8:55 AM, October 07, 2005, Lrav said...
So what is 'super bitch's' outfit? And apart form a lashing tongue, what are your other weapons?
At 9:14 AM, October 07, 2005, Michelle said...
Eh, i don't really want to be super bitch. Maybe i could be 'Travel Girl'. I can't think of anything cool.But, if i have to be super bitch i guess i'd wear... whaterver i damn well feel like! And besides a lashing tongue my powers would be a withering glare and a cruel laugh maybe?It just doesn't sound like me... aye? aye guys? right?
At 4:00 PM, October 07, 2005, Lrav said...
ummmm... sure.
At 4:39 PM, October 07, 2005, Lis said...
How about...tidy freak girl. Your wepons could be disinfectant and a duster
At 1:35 PM, October 08, 2005, Rosco said...
I reckon Super Bitch's weapons would be a long red spiked whip shaped like a tongue and insult stars, much like ninja stars but when they hit they release an insult that cuts deep. Not that you're Super Bitch or anything.
At 11:13 AM, October 09, 2005, Lis said...
Rosco, you should write comic books, or 'graphic novels' as some like to be refered to as these days
At 8:15 AM, October 10, 2005, Michelle said...
'Tidy Freak Girl'... i like it. Although Rosco maked the super bitch weapons sound pretty damn cool.
At 12:13 PM, October 10, 2005, sav said...
I want to see luke in some sort of meat leather, or just encased in a variety of meat with just his eyes showing. Then people can come along and eat bits off him (this would make him a popular superhero), or maybe he can slowly eat himself.
At 3:11 PM, October 10, 2005, Michelle said...
Eeeeewwwwww
At 6:18 PM, October 11, 2005, Lis said...
Sav mate, we don't want to hear about your sick fantasies. :)
At 1:48 PM, October 12, 2005, ewen said...
Im pretty keen on Smartass man, I'll hide in the shadows ready to leap out with a sharp retort to defend the weak and dim-witted.Also, Shay and Luke, I have noticed Costi refers to us as Men unlike our lesser friends, bad luck Tommo and Sav.We should also have sidekicks, here are some for starters:Mine: The Comeback Kid (who will rub some extra salt in the wounds of my well-timed quips)Sav: Avril LavigneCosti: Little BitchKate: A pet Sloth with some cool superpower, like the ability to 'play dead'
At 2:07 PM, October 12, 2005, Michelle said...
Ahaha! ahahahahaha...See what i mean? 'Smartass Man' is perfect for Ewen. BTW having man/boy or girl/woman is no reflection on the person, i just went with what names suited best... feel free to change your own super hero names if you don't like what i came up with, i can always edit the post :-)This is great, we could have our own cartoon series. All we need is a cartoonist to draw up all the characters. Rob?
At 11:31 AM, October 13, 2005, Kelly_Cali said...
What about me??? What am I going to be? :-( *sniff sniff*
At 2:20 PM, October 22, 2005, Michelle said... You're definitely 'Cat Girl' Kel :-)
Meat - Monday, October 03, 2005 (old post)
This may offend and disturb some people.
I was on my way home from work today giving a ride home to one of my colleagues, and we got talking about chicken for dinner. Then we got on to the topic of vegetarians and i said that i really wasn't willing to shorten my life in order to save thousands of animals lives. And that got me wondering exactly how many animal lives have been sacrificed for my meals. So i tried to work it out, and it's a bit shocking.
Before i get into it though, i do believe that being a vegetarian can potentially shorten your life span. The lack of protein, iron and other nutrients is detrimental to your health, and also, you don't have a healthy carb/protein balance and a lot of vegetarians eat heaps of bread, rice and pasta which if they don't balance it out with exercise will cause weight gain... which can also potentially shorten your life. I believe that if you take an average meat eater and an average vegetarian then you would find that the vegetarian is generally less healthy. *Disclaimer* This is just my belief based on personal observation not fact based on scientific or medical testing. It goes the other way of course with big fat meat eaters dying of heart attacks, but that's not the average.
So anyway... i eat meat with my meals every night for dinner and about three times a week with lunch, on a sandwhich or whatever. So on average i eat meat about 10 times a week.
Now, i know that the animal didn't die directly because i wanted it for dinner, and that lot's of people get portions from the same animal. One animal feeds several people but for the purposes of my calculations I'm going to say that each meal i have contributes to the death of one animal. I'm not good enough at math to really figure this out properly. I'd also have to know how many people each type of animal feeds and how often i eat said type. So this will be fairly simple.
10 x 52 = 520 520 animals a year die because i wanted to eat part of them.
520 x 23.3 (I'm 23 years and three week old tomorrow) = 1211612116 animals have died in my lifetime in order for me to eat meat 10 times a week.
That's countless chickens, cows, sheep, pigs and fish. One deer, two ducks, maybe a half dozen frogs, one snake... and who knows what you get in some chinese takeaways.
Does this make me want to become a vegetarian?
Nope.
In fact tonight i'm having lamb. Mmmm baby sheep... it's my fave.
posted by Michelle @ 5:24 PM 4 Comments:
At 12:52 PM, October 05, 2005, Kelly said...
Noooooooooooooooooo! Not baby sheep!!! Ew thanks for talking about meat, meat and more meat. Kinda makes me wanna be a veggie :o) p.s. DON'T EAT THE BABY SHEEP!
At 3:38 PM, October 05, 2005, Lis said...
Sometimes you scare me a little.Yeah, sometimes I wish I could be a vegetarian, I have even tried (when I was like 11) and failed miserably, had to go on yucky iron tablets, it just wasn't worth it. As it is, I eat very little red meat, don't eat pig meat at all (they are a very intelligent species). I eat chicken and fish, my sister says it is okay because they are ugly, not like cute little lambs and cows. The simple fact is, we are omnivores, can't get away from it. Still, the consumption of meat, I think, is one of the more disturbing parts of life to think about. Thanks for sharing Michelle.
At 4:23 PM, October 05, 2005, Michelle said...
You're welcome :-)
At 6:44 PM, October 05, 2005, Lrav said... Meeeeeeat, meeeeeat, glorious meeeeeeatt!!!I love meat. All people that don't are stupid.
Funky Science - Tuesday, September 27, 2005 (old post)
Recently I heard about mitochondrial sequencing for the first time. Charlotte told me about Bryan Sykes who is a professor of human genetics at the University of Oxford. He wrote a book called ‘The Seven Daughters of Eve’.
Mitochondrial DNA is inherited only from the mother and does not show paternal characteristics. This means that brothers and sisters will have the same mitochondrial DNA type as their mother, as will any relative linked through the female line.
Mitochondrial chromosomes don’t change at all when being passed down through the generations, so my mitochondria is identical to that of my mother, grandmother, aunties, great grandmother, great great great great grandmother etc all the way back to the beginning. The scientists say that the strands mutate about every 20,000 years or so, but that they can track the mutations.
So anyway, Sykes has identified 7 different mitochondrial ‘clans’ in Europe and has discovered about 95% of the European population can be traced back to 7 women. The idea is that if you were to have your mitochondria sequenced they would be able to tell you which ‘daughter of Eve’ your ancestors came from. He has named these original 7 women Ursula, Tara, Helena, Katrine, Velda, Xenia and Jasmine. And, he says that each of these 7 women originated from just one woman.
There are heaps and heaps of studies done based on this research and scientists around the world have so far discovered about 36 different clans. They’ve even been to New Zealand to see what clan the Maori originated from.
“The analysis begins from the premise that about 150,000 years ago there was a single human female, who Sykes named ‘Eve’, from whom we are all directly descended. As human DNA diversified and the population grew, particular strains of DNA developed and these have been identified by scientists and divided into 36 clans.The mitochondrial (female) and Y (male) chromosomes continue through the generations unchanged, providing stable havens where distinctive DNA sequences and markers can settle and take root, first within families, then, as those families expand, within clans and ethnic groups. This provides rich material for reconstructing the major migrations and dispersals of our past, but using it to trace the ancestral origins of individuals is less precise.”They say that potentially there were more clans that could have been ‘daughtered out’ or wiped out of existence because no female children were born.Sykes has also started a business called ‘Oxford Ancestors’ where you can go to pay to have your mitochondria sequenced. I think it would be really interesting to know your origins. I have no idea where my mother’s family comes from, I know my dad’s side is Irish and my mothers dad’s side is Polish, but nobody seems to have any idea where the females came from, so it makes me wonder… And once you know that beginning, you could look into the history of the area and see what likely happened to your ancestors.There is a really interesting article
here about what one woman found out about where she came from. Most people would not get this kind of detail though, it seems to be much more ambiguous for the average person.
posted by Michelle @ 2:03 PM 6 Comments:
At 2:42 PM, September 28, 2005, Legion said...
Oh my goodness. Those silly christians knew what they were talking about. Dang. How are we going to get avoid admitting we were wrong? Onward to the Summer Country! Let no skeptical rationalist materialist scientists, or any other powers of hell deter us, for we are victors in Christ alone! Oh, sorry, that sounded awfully closeminded. If you want to be offended or entertained and edified, investigate my blog: thecaveblog.blogspot.com.
At 3:00 PM, September 28, 2005, Michelle said...
I don't know about that, i still believe in evolution. Just because some scientist named the supposed first female homosapien he's managed to track down Eve doesn't mean she was created by God out of Adam's rib bone eh? Maybe her real name was 'grunt, snuffle'.Hahaha, i'll definitely check out your blog.
At 9:34 AM, September 30, 2005, Lrav said...
Very interesting stuff. If you do some searching around on the topic, one of the key concepts is that the Mitochondrial Eve (ME for short) lived with a whole bunch of other people and certainly wasn't the biblical Eve or anything close to it. And it most certainly does not disprove evolution at all, it is in support of the single-origins evolution theory.Think about it, when this ME was alive, there were a whole lot of other people around with her, and they would have had another ME that they all shared, that was alive long before them.legion, what I don't like about the way you put your argument forward is that you lash out at people who don't think the same as you. I know it must be frustrating having your belief constantly attacked and researched against, but it is still better to try for the high ground.This particular scientific fact is against the biblical view, the details behind the media stories are starkly clear.
At 7:47 PM, October 06, 2005, alex said...
Bonjour Michelle! C'est Alex ici, checking out your blogs and really enjoying them. Did you read in the paper today that two high ranking catholic bishops have published a teaching document that says that the bible shouldn't be read as historical fact, and that stories such as adam & eve aren't historically accurate! How open minded of them. They might convert me yet ...
At 8:33 AM, October 07, 2005, Michelle said...
Bonjour Alex!No i didn't see that in the paper, but that's great news! Maybe the stodgy old buggers are finally heading onto this century. I'll have to see if i can find an article online and post a link to it.See you next Thursday :-)
At 8:25 AM, October 13, 2005, Michelle said... Here is an online link to the article about the Catholic Bishops that released a teaching document saying that some parts of the bible are not true.http://www.timesonline.co.uk/article/0,,13509-1811332,00.htmlIt's quite an interesting read, and at the bottom it lista some parts under 'True' and 'False' headings. They say that the story of creation is not to be taken literally, but that the virgin birth is.
I'm learning French before i go... - Tuesday, May 17, 2005 (old post)
J'avais appris à parler français, parce que je veux dépenser l'abondance du temps en France, et également parce que je lis dedans le journal pendant quelque temps il y a cela apprenant plus les aides de d'une langue empêchent de vieux problèmes de cerveau d'âge. Je ne suis pas n'importe où près de ceci bon à lui cependant, j'ai employé un site Web de traduction !
http://world.altavista.com/babelfish/trposted by Michelle @ 10:57 AM
1 Comments:
At 5:05 PM, Lisa said... oui oui
What to take and what to leave behind - Thursday, May 12, 2005 (old post)
What i'm going to be leaving behind:
Family
Friends
Boyfriend
Job
Car
Almost all of my possessions
Security
What i'm taking with me:
Clean undies
A few favourite outfits
Toiletries
A book to read on the plane
What i will have gained by going:The incredible experience of a lifetime
Credit card debt
posted by Michelle @ 7:51 AM
1 Comments:
At 2:29 PM, lil tone said... You are SO funneee - clean undies - hahahahahahaha
Lead up - Wednesday, May 11, 2005 (old post)
Hi all, I decided it would be a good idea to have a blog to record my experiences while I'm overseas, and it will be a great way for my friends and family to keep up with what I'm doing while I'm gone. I haven't actually left yet of course, so this will start as a lead up to the trip.
I plan on leaving after Christmas. There isn't an exact date yet, I'll have to consult a travel agent for the best time to get cheap flights, but it is definitely going to happen!
More later,
Michelle.
posted by Michelle @ 10:47 AM
1 Comments:
At 1:15 AM, MaIDeN said...
Nice to meet U
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